Saturday, January 12, 2013

Feeling Loved

You know what is great?  Let me tell you my heart swelled so big today.  We went to Chris' wedding at Ko' Olina a beautiful place to have a Hawaiian wedding.  It was so beautiful and they were very happy.  As me and Rob were coming up to the spot all of a sudden Taylor saw me and ran with his arms open wide to me.  He yelled as loud as he could, "GRANDMA!"  Then he ran into my arms he was happy to see me and it warmed my heart and it made me feel so loved, Atreyu came up running to.  Nothing is better as a grandma then to have a grand kid in your arms loving on you, but wait it gets even better.  I was looking at the marriage certificate that Rob smiled he said look at this.  I looked at it and under "mother".  There was my name first middle and maiden name and my birth place, not his birth mother.  After all this years even though I did not give birth to him I have always wished I was and I have loved him and raised him as my son and he just gave me the best present of all.  Oh and guess what grandchild number nine is on the way.

Chris and Tasha (married)

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I love music.  I love that you can be in a totally bad mood, hear a song and poof your happy.  I love singing too.  Although my whole family will tell you as they laugh at my expense, I have trouble getting any of the words right.  I have been known to make up my own words......but hey they are sometimes so much better when I do.  I mean I wish there was a place online you could go and tell the songwriters hey I tried it this way and it works better.  Anyways music is big and always will be in our house.  Oh wait all music except Robs, my children every single one of them will agree with me too, so don't think I am picking on him.  Some of his music well, it sucks!!!  Some of it actually makes me car sick and gives me a headache that can turn into a migraine (Briana knows what I am talking about).  My music though is great and so is my singing.  You know what is really funny too?  When we are all in the car driving somewhere if you look at all of us we all have our ipods in and headphones on, what did the world do before ipods?  Music makes me happy so all of you get off your butts and do the after-the-movie-dance. 

Monday, January 7, 2013

Went to the doctors today it has been a week of feeling like I have a log stuck in my eye, which reminds me of the bible verse don't worry about the splinter in someone Else's eye, when you have a log in yours, lol......pretty funny huh.  Now see God has a sense of humor, if he didn't then he wouldn't have made me.  Anyways I have a scratched cornea.  I thought about getting an eye patch, but did you know they don't sell parrots with them, go figure.  Although it might be fun to pillage, steal gold, and crash ships I decided to pass.  Instead I get to put some wonderful ointment in my eye.  What made me happy today?  That I am not crazy and I do have something wrong with my eye and that I am not going to go blind and mom at least I did not put ear wax medicine in my eye, that is funny.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Books on Tape & Laughter

You know what I like.  I like that my son Garrett reads books on tape, you know why?  Well, because I am his mother I get to tap into those books.  It is great when I am cleaning the house, walking, working out and etc. to listen to one of those downloaded books and just zone out from the rest of the world for a while.  That makes me happy.  This past week I almost listened to a whole book while I was painting.  Of course any great thing that you like to do has its minus' and those are the men in my house.  I don't know why but they only want to talk to me or have a long discussion with me when I have my ear plugs in and I am listening to a tape.....I am not kidding.  I could be sitting on the couch and I would not get bothered for hours, but the minute I put those gosh darn ear plugs in my ears they swarm me and that makes me laugh and that brings me joy.  At least they love me enough to want to talk to me.  I guess the next time I am feeling lonely I should pop them in my ears and they will all come swarming.  By the way I really miss my girls.....a lot.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013


I have decided to write about some things that bring me joy.  Maybe it will help my mood.  So hold on this may turn out to be a bumpy ride.  What brings me joy?  Roses......roses......roses, I love roses and not just any roses.  Not the ones you get from the store you know what I am talking about the prefect ones, same sized, no smelling, quick dying roses.....I don't like those.  I like the ones that my husbands grows for me in his flowerbed.  The ones that if I tried to grow or take care of would die, but since my husband does they thrive.  We have tons of them and sometimes when we go to the garden center and I see that look in his eyes I know we are going to have more (I think they bring him joy too).  He can't help himself he loves them.  One time he even wrote a poem about them and how they were a lot like me......even the thorns, but I think he meant it was just because I smelled so good. Right now there are not a lot because it is winter but I have been watching and waiting, because I like the ones that he picks just for me (I am a very patient woman).  This week I got some and it really brought me joy and they weren't the prefect ones you get from the store they were the sweet smelling, different sized, lovely ones.  And they were my favorite peach colored really good smelling ones, and even though there wasn't a dozen (only two), in my heart it felt like a dozen.  I loved them and most of all because Rob picked them just for me and it brought me joy.  It also reminds me of my grandmother she always had roses everywhere and I used to love to look at them, pick them, and smell them.  So when Rob brought them in the house I thought about my Baboo and I thought about how special she was to me.  Roses bring me joy.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I went and had a look and I could not believe that it has been a "whole year" since I have written anything.  Time flies I suppose.  As of late oh I don't know maybe two months now I have been struggling with depression.  Yes I just admitted it.  Maybe if I try and write a little bit again it will help me.  What do I have to be depressed about?  Nothing.  Everyone asks me that (the people I have confided in) and that is my answer I don't know why.  It is like a thick fog that comes in a little at a time and then chokes the happiness out of you and you fight it until you are so very tired and feel like you can't fight anyone.  While you are regaining you strength you are sucked into a big black hole and it is suffocating and no I don't want to kill myself it is not that type of depression.  This kind is probably much worse because you just don't feel anything, you are just numb.  I knew it was bad when I had people at work started asking me if I was upset about something because I was so quiet.  Usually I am a fountain of happiness, jokes, and smiles but I guess the fountain has been shut off.  Anyways don't mean to depress the hell of anybody else, I just need to struggle through this.