I have the blues. I don't know why either I have tried to evaluate why, and I don't come up with any clear answers. Rob says, "It is because the kids just left and won't be here for Christmas." I say yeah maybe. He says,"maybe because this isn't a good time of year, you found out you had cancer both times this time of year." I say, yeah maybe. I don't really know. He says, "Is it because your dad is not here anymore?" I say could be, I don't know. He says, "Do you miss your mom?" I say yeah, I really miss her, especially during Christmas, but that is not all of it. I really don't know why, maybe it is a combination of all of the above neatly wrapped up like a present waiting for me under the tree. It's like a fragile Christmas ornament hanging from the tree waiting to fall and shatter into tiny pieces. Who knows, maybe I just need to make lots and lots of Christmas cookies, and overdose on cookie dough. Rob says, "Maybe we just need to find someone who we can do something nice for, just for Christmas." That is my husband always doing for everyone around him. The other day we were at Pizza Hut we were picking up a pizza, and a lady came up to me, and asked, "do you have a couple of dollars to spare?" Well I felt bad cuz I had just used all my money I had. Rob asked me what she wanted so I told him, and he went right away, found her, walked with her over to Taco Bell and purchased some food for her. He came back to the truck, and I said, "That was really nice of you (it is better to buy the food for them, so they don't go out and buy drugs or liquor instead). His answer was that he knew that lady, she was one of the homeless ladies down at the beach. He used to hold services down at the beach for the homeless, till they kicked the homeless out of there. My husband is one of my hero's, I love that his pieces make me whole.