Friday, February 6, 2009
Surgery number ??????
Okay, I haven't wanted to talk about it for a few days, because I am was trying with things in my own way. I really needed time with God, just me, and him, talking and listening. No, he didn't tell me everything was going to be alright, but what he did say over and over again is, he will be with me, and that is enough for me. The trip to the doctors was very hard because I felt stuck, I wanted to get the bad news over with, but I also had crazy thoughts like, "Okay I just won't go, if I don't go, then I can pretend everything is fine (like I said crazy thoughts). What did the doctor say, he said blah, blah, blah (that's the doctor mumble jumble), like I really understand all those big words (nope not me). Basically, the scan showed that the area they were concerned about radiated, and it grew (not too much, but enough). It is in the same area as my ovaries (well where they used to be), so it can't be ignore. It could be some kind of infection (I have been having trouble with my stomach), So he also ordered an upper and lower GI too. I basically had three choices......1 Surgery (to see what it is). 2. Just wait, and have more scans, and watch it (Okay and worry, worry, worry). 3. Biopsy it (but he said they would have trouble reaching it). I chose door number 1. I am so tired of surgeries (you have no idea), I never had any surgeries before cancer, now I feel like I have tons of missing pieces. I also got told I have an area in my neck that radiated, a lip node, that they are only a little concerned about, the area on my small intestine is a lip node also. The said that it doesn't go with a typical reoccurance, because usually if you get a recurrance, it is usually after the first year, it has been almost five for me. What does this all mean? It means once again I don't know anything, and for now that is okay for me. I just pray that God doesn't ask me to do chemo again, if all works out then it won't be anything. If not, then I will have more chemo to do, it is in God's hands. My surgery is February 19, so please make sure you pray for me, I will need everyone to lift me up during this time.