Friday, February 27, 2009

Thursday, February 26, 2009

My Day

I felt a little blue today, I think it is because I can't do anything, I am stuck, on the couch, laying around. So I called everyone today, and they all called me (guess I am loved). It was great talking to everyone, we all decided it was TV. TV really sucks right now there is really nothing good, or encouraging on it anymore, it is really sad. I gave up, and watched alot of kitchens, and bathrooms remodeling shows. I even got my Bible out and read some scriptures, that was uplifting. I did a no-no, and baked some cookies for the boys. I crochet a little bit, and I caught up on some of my magazines, I even had a little nap. Tonight we are having roast with vegetables, I just put it all in the crock pot and it has been cooking all day. All in all it wasn't a really bad day, I felt better, it is just really hard to be so sore, and not be able to do the things you would like to be doing. Tomorrow is another day.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

BeBe is So Sad

Well, me and my cat are very sad, we both moped all day because my mom went home. Bebe isn't much on conversation either. Although Willie did come out of his room and insist we watch a movie, and it turn out to be really good, it was an animation. But alas, there was no one to cook dinner for me, so my husband brought home a pizza. He took one look at me and said, are you in pain (guess I looked like it), I told him no, I just miss having my mom around. He gave me that look (bless her heart look). I guess tomorrow I will start talking to myself.........I WANT MY MOM!!!!! Pretty sad a grown 46 yr old woman wanting her mama. Mom your the best.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Having fun

It has been so great having my mo here to talk to, and laugh with. I must say I am forcing myself to eat her food too (okay that was a lie). Tonight she is making us taco's, she makes the most amazing taco's, I will probably over stuff myself, and Briana is going to be really jealous right now. Christina came over yesterday, and Rob grilled hot dogs and hamburgers, and mom made her homemade potato salad. We have been eating all day. We also had pumpkin cheesecake, and it was out of this world. I have been spending most of the time napping, I sore, but I am doing well, Rob had to go back to work today, he is probably happy that he didn't have anyone to make him late for work today. Mom goes home tomorrow night, we will miss her so much, I love to listen to her stories of growing up on the farm in Arkansas. I hope the Boys realize how lucky there are to have her around. I will be very sad to have her go, cuz Girls just wanta have fun, and we do.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Home Sweet Home

Surgery is over, and I am home now. The big surprise was my Mom flew out, and all the kids were able to keep it all a secret I was so surprised, and so happy. With my mom here, it will take some stress off Rob, and we will be eating some great food. My mom is the greatest cook, you all have no idea. The doctors said it didn't look like cancer, but we have to wait for the pathology report before we can breath easy, that will be about a week. I lost my belly button, and have metal staples holding my stomach together, I will worry about all that later. Right now I am just relieved that they let me go home so soon. I made sure I got up and around that first day, the sooner you get up and try to walk around the better it is for you. Once they saw I was sitting up, in my own clothes, eating and walking the halls they released me. I am very slow, it hurts to breath deeply, cough, and laughing is off limits for a while. Rob and my Mom went shopping, so Willie made me lunch, and keeps making me lay down, and my wonderful cat hasn't left my side. I am so blessed, and so loved, I read Briana's blog and was so touched she had written a little bit about her brothers and sisters, it touched my heart. Well, I am going to rest, just wanted to thank everyone for praying, please don't stop till we have the report back. Love you all.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Spanish Rice

2 cups of rice
1 can of tomato sauce
1 pkg Lipton beefy onion soup mix
1 can of rotel tomato's
1 can of beef broth

stir fry the rice until brown, lower heat, add all ingredients stir, put a lid on it and simmer about 30 or 35 minutes, till fluffy.

A New Job

My daughter Briana got a promotion, and I new job. I am so proud of her. She has overcome so many things in her life, and she motivates me to want more from myself. She encouraged me to change jobs last year, she told me that I deserved better treatment. I was scared but she talked me through it. I have really love my job now, it has been great. Well guess what Briana? I got offered a GS 6/6 today. If I accept it, I will have to work in another place, but for more money. Whooooo HOOOOO!!!!!

Please Pray

I just called tomorrow I will be one of the first ones in the surgery room, Rob and I will have to be there at 5:30 am. Please remember to pray, I will need all your prayers. I have been so blessed this week, there have been so many people lifting me up, and they are all over the world. God is an awesome God. I have heard so many uplifting words, from so many people. Thank you, and know that you have encourage me, I love you.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

My Day

Good News, after my procedure they let me go home until my surgery on Thursday. The doctor today, said I had a great okole (butt in Hawaiian), no cancer there, clean and clear there. Please don't forget about me on Thursday, I am still hoping for great news there too. I went to the hospital at 6:00 am, and they admitted me. They started my IV, which for me takes a couple of tries, after taking medicine that makes you poop your brains out, my veins tend to say, "Oh no way man". Anyways, I watched a lot of TV today, and I realized that there is a lot of crap on TV. So I took a nap or two.....or three. At 10:30, they gave me a pleasant ride on a hospital bed down to the IG ward. Anyone who is afraid of having a colonoscopy don't be afraid, I slept through the whole thing, woke up long enough to have everyone finishing up and wheeled in the recovery room. My doctor said everything was prefect, and would I like to go home, or just stay there until Thursday. If anyone knows me, they know that I am sitting at home right now, eating everything I can get my hands on. Life is good. For everyone that prayed for me, I love you all so much, please don't forget to continue to pray for my surgery on Thursday, I will need all the prayers I can get. Thanks.

Monday, February 16, 2009

More Pics

more Bri

Briana (My Pookie) Happy Birthday

Last Blog

Okay so I clicked post while I was typing the title, it is suppose to read "The Princess' Birth"
Rob is sick today, don't know where he got it, at first I just thought maybe he was having sympathy pagns, but alas not.

He is a little green in the gills, been tossing up cookies all day, and his stomach is on the fritz. Poor thing. I told him he picked a hella of a time to get sick. He is in bed now, maybe by tomorrow he will feel better, because I will need to start my wonderful medicine.

I won't tell you about it, cuz it is not very lady like. If you want the praticulars, let me know, but trust me you are better off not knowing.

The princess' irth

The Queen held her newborn daughter in her hands tracing her fingers down her little nose. She looked at her, and whispered gently to the new princess, "I have waited all my years for you, and you are so much more than I ever dreamed possible". She kissed her tiny head, and placed the princess into her mothers hands. "See, madame, her hair is as yours used to be, like the leaves in autumn, now take her, and show her the kingdom that awaits her. The Queen's heart was complete now, she had her daughter, the one she had dreamed of. If the legend was right, this tiny red haired child would bring her family back together, and unite them as none had ever done before.

The princess would make them an impenetrable force, and their enemies would go into hiding. She was was too young at the moment to know the dark forces that would lurked the kingdom, and that would try and pull them apart. The sisters, and brothers would be loyal her. If legend were true, she would rule the kingdom, like none before her, she would change the rules, and she would be as wild like the wind.

They had tired their best to stop her birth from taking place, but the Queen had been warned ahead of time. She had taken shelter at her parent's castle. It was the only place she knew she would be safe. Even the King had tired to end the baby's birth. There would be nothing he could do now, it was done. The Queen smiled as she took her daughter in arms again. "I will tell you someday, of all the miracles that took place, just so that you could be born. Nobody will ever hurt you, I will protect you always." And the Queen always kept her promises.

This is a story for your pookie, just for your birthday. It is early because I don't know if I will be feeling all that well on your birthday, but have a blast. I love you, it goes along with the story, you gave me.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Walking the Plank

This week is almost over, and I am longing to savor it, grip it tightly in my fist's and not let go. Next week my life will either go on like it has always, or it will once again change (no hair sucks). I tired to think of a way to describe it, and I finally stumbled on it, or maybe God just thumbed me over the head with it. To me this week is like walking the plank, I started off slow, not giving into it, and then was nudged out there a little bit more, until today, I felt like doctor just pushed me out on the edge, and said, alright you can jump in, or I can push you, which will it be"? Instead of surgery on Thursday, he changed things on me, and they will be admitting me on Tuesday in order to see in both ends of me, first upper and lower with a wonderful scope. Well, I will tell you I am not happy at all (there I said it), and I have decided to hold on to that darn plank for dear life......tightly..... and they will just have to pry me off, and throw me in the water kicking and screaming, I am entitled. The last two times I went gracefully, and on my own. That's right, I jumped in all by myself. I bet sometimes you guys read this blog, and say, "that poor woman, she just not right", but that is okay, I don't mind, I think I would rather be a little bit crazy, maybe that helps keep that cancer away. Maybe it says, "Okay, let's just get out of here, this woman doesn't know how to give in gracefully, plus she is totally nuts." Nuts or no nuts, I have already informed my family this time, if I get bad news, I get to throw a rip roaring fit, and they have to watch (they looked at me with pure panic), it made me laugh. You see, I don't cry very often, hardly ever, so in the few times in my life I have, they didn't know what to do, scared the life out of them. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with crying, but I was raised with, "Marsh's Don't Cry" (my dad's motto, and my maiden name). Dad if your looking down at me, I have one thing to say, Marsh's might not cry, but Gray's do, and I will be crying this time!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

"Love Lifts Me"

I talked to my Mom today, I have been looking for her blog, but she says she has nothing to say that she wants to write about. I guess that's okay, but I really look forward to coming home and looking at her blog, I suppose I can wait a little while longer. Briana still keeps me entertained. Christina hasn't been writing as much either, maybe everyone just has the winter blues, all that snow and rain, oh no wait, Christina lives here, we don't have that. Okay Christina, you have no excuse, if your reading this, get to writing. Matter of fact all of you get to writing, I will be home recovering from surgery, and all of you better be writing everyday, I need my entertainment. Oh yeah, and Theresa you need to start blogging so we can talk more, if you need help setting it up, we can help you we did it for my mom. Oh yeah, and I must not forget, all of you that have been praying for me, words cannot express the gratitude I feel, I have been at peace, and I know (I can somehow feel it) that it is because so many people are praying for me. I have not been depressed or sad. How can I be with the family I have. Briana called me today, and made me laugh, I have so many people that love me. It is like the song, "Love Lifted Me" it truly has.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Meet the Gray's

I am the luckiest. Most people get married and struggle with their in-laws, they have horrible stories, and I believe me I have heard my share, but not me, I am truly blessed. Bill and Margaret Gray are two of my most favorite people (or like my class used to say my bested friends). They are the kindest, most encouraging people I have ever known, and I feel truly blessed that God put them in my life. Let me just tell you a little something about them. Margaret is a little spit fire, and when she is in a room it lights up, she will have you laughing and forgetting your cares when in her presence, her smile is addicting, and when she tells a story I am totally captivated, and locked in her spell. I have always been so comfortable around her, but I think its because her sense of humor reminds me of my mom's. Bill is the kindest man I have ever know, if you needed a shirt, he would give the shirt off his back. I can listen to him speak for hours, he has the most soothing voice I have ever heard. When you are talking to him, he makes you feel like what you are saying is the most important thing in the world. What I admire the most about him, is his wisdom, he is one of the wisest men I have ever known.

Today when I got home, I had a letter of encouragement waiting for me. They had sent it because of what I have been going through lately. The last two times I went through chemo, I got a letter from them just about every week, I came to rely on those letters, because they were the bright light in my darkest days, and believe me they did lift me up, time and time again. But that is not where it stopped, they even had their church praying for me, and I got adopted by one of their Sunday School groups (I told you I was lucky). I still have all the cards, and when I am feeling down or scared I read them, and they inspire me to keep going. I told Margaret when I saw her this summer, that I knew her home in heaven would be a great castle when she went home to be with the Lord, because of all the people she had touched over the years, I feel the same way about Bill.

They have made me feel so special, and treated me like I was their daughter too. Not only did I get a wonderful man in Rob, but I got two more people that loved me. Family is so important when you are facing darkest days, they make living worthwhile, shinning light all around you, but more then that, knowing that you will see them again in heaven makes it all good, and what a party we have when we all meet in heaven again.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Sunday Lunch

In our house it is tradition, to come home after church, and have a big lunch. James really enjoys this since he goes to work at 3:00 and as all of my kids will tell you James likes a good home cooked meal. I think it was something all the kids looked forward to, especially after they became teenagers, and weren't around during the week, I'll tell you what they were always there for Sunday lunch. We had barbecued short ribs, green salad, fruit n yogurt, and every one's favorite twice baked potatoes.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Briana and I have this thing we do. When we e-mail or text each other, we always say, "I love you more than........then we insert something like maybe.......cheesecake. Sometimes it is really hilarious, because of things we come up with. We never repeat what we have already said, and it makes it special just between us. We also don't use it all the time, we use it as an added bonus when we really want to let the other one know that we really miss them, or we are thinking about each other. When the kids were little I would occasionally slip little notes in there book bags, in there lunches, and I would write a special note, usually about how much I loved them, and what I loved about them. I miss those days, they would come home and they would be beaming, sometimes they wouldn't find the notes right away. I remember a note Garrett, didn't get discovered (I had forgot too) until maybe a month later. I love my children, all six of them, but I thought you would like to know what I love about them too.

Christina......I love Christina because she is the most loving, compassionate person I have ever known, when she was little she always stood up for the down and out, and would be there friends. If you know her, you know she very very rarely ever says anything mean spirited about anyone. I love you Christina.

Briana.......I love Briana for strong sense of family. Family is everything to her. Loyalty is a word the comes to mind when you think of her, whether you are her mom, her sister, her brother, her friend. Briana will stick with you to the end. She cooks pretty good too. I love you Briana.

Christopher......I love Christopher for his dare devil attitude. He always has a good time no matter where he is, and he always makes me laugh. His excitement is infectious, and I wish I could bottle some of his energy. I love you Christopher.

Garrett......I love Garrett for his strong sense values. Garrett is the strong rock the family looks to when they help, because he never falters. He will not waver, you can lean on him when you are not strong. He always has the right words to get you moving again. I love you Garrett.

James.....I love James' hugs. Everyone in the family knows that James gives the best hugs. James loves everyone. I also love his wisdom. James is a wise old man in a young mans body.
I love to listen to him talk about history and music, he makes you excited about them. I love you James.

Willie....I love Willie for his steadfastness. When he wants something he always figures out a way to get it. He loves his brothers and sisters, and brags about them to everyone. He loves to learn, and stays on top of the lasted trends. I love you Willie.

Okay well that was just a little bit of why I love my kids, there are tons more reasons, but those are good ones.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Surgery number ??????

Okay, I haven't wanted to talk about it for a few days, because I am was trying with things in my own way. I really needed time with God, just me, and him, talking and listening. No, he didn't tell me everything was going to be alright, but what he did say over and over again is, he will be with me, and that is enough for me. The trip to the doctors was very hard because I felt stuck, I wanted to get the bad news over with, but I also had crazy thoughts like, "Okay I just won't go, if I don't go, then I can pretend everything is fine (like I said crazy thoughts). What did the doctor say, he said blah, blah, blah (that's the doctor mumble jumble), like I really understand all those big words (nope not me). Basically, the scan showed that the area they were concerned about radiated, and it grew (not too much, but enough). It is in the same area as my ovaries (well where they used to be), so it can't be ignore. It could be some kind of infection (I have been having trouble with my stomach), So he also ordered an upper and lower GI too. I basically had three choices......1 Surgery (to see what it is). 2. Just wait, and have more scans, and watch it (Okay and worry, worry, worry). 3. Biopsy it (but he said they would have trouble reaching it). I chose door number 1. I am so tired of surgeries (you have no idea), I never had any surgeries before cancer, now I feel like I have tons of missing pieces. I also got told I have an area in my neck that radiated, a lip node, that they are only a little concerned about, the area on my small intestine is a lip node also. The said that it doesn't go with a typical reoccurance, because usually if you get a recurrance, it is usually after the first year, it has been almost five for me. What does this all mean? It means once again I don't know anything, and for now that is okay for me. I just pray that God doesn't ask me to do chemo again, if all works out then it won't be anything. If not, then I will have more chemo to do, it is in God's hands. My surgery is February 19, so please make sure you pray for me, I will need everyone to lift me up during this time.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Driving Miss Dee

A long time ago, I was trying to learn how to drive stick shift. The car my dad had planned for me was stick. Well, he decided he would take me out, and show me all I needed to know. In the end I stopped the car in the middle of the road, got out, slammed the door, and told him, "I am never talking to you again." I didn't for at least a week. The job of teaching fell to my mother. She started by taking me to a big parking lot, with no other cars, and had began by having me start, and stop.....start.......and stop.......over and over again. She never yelled (like my father did) she just kept telling me, you can do this, there now that was better, your getting the hang of it. By the time I left I was driving, all the way back home. She had triumphed where my father had failed. My mom has always been my greatest fan, no matter what, she has always stood beside me cheering me on. She has always had the most encouraging words. She has always had the greatest personality. When I was growing up all the kids always wanted to be at our house, not only because she was the greatest baker, but because she listened to them, and by the time they left they would always say, "I wish I had a mother like yours." I am glad that God blessed me, even if I didn't realize it most of the time. I am very lucky that he gave me the mother he did, because if he hadn't, I'd still be riding the bus. Thanks mom for teaching me how to drive, among other things.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Take the Plunge

I went to all my families blogs today, and nobody wrote, so I guess I will lead the way. Just like me to lead the family astray, jump in it won't hurt.......okay maybe it will. That reminds me of the old saying that my mom just loved, "If he/she jumped off a cliff, would you jump off one too." When I was younger I really had to think about that one, cuz sometimes, I thought yes I would jump off a cliff for my closest friends, I didn't tell my mom that though (I might off got it). Where is this going? Sometimes you got to just take the plunge, sometimes you need to just act on faith, and give it all to God, especially when you get discouraged, and pray for encouragement. Yes, that is easier said then done, but today when I was feeling a little down, the wind started blowing (read my blog about the my experience with the wind), and it just didn't blow, it engulfed me from all sides, my hair was all over my face, my shirt needed to held down, I couldn't even see to walk, but I didn't care, I was laughing my head off. I looked at my husband standing beside our truck, and I told God, "Thank you, that was just what I needed." Every time I stepped outside today, the wind would kick up again, and it blew me all over the place. It was as if God said, "I am here, and I love you, I am with you end to the very end of all ages".