Today was my husband's birthday, 49 years old. I have to say thank you to Margaret and Bill for taking the time years ago and create the perfect mate for me. Although I do think God had a hand in it also. He fits me just perfect. He is everything that I am not, and I really think that is what God wants for us in a mate. He brings two halves togehter that make a perfect whole. The things I am lacking in, my Robby has. He has inspired me, and stuck by me, even though I have lost some parts along the way. Thank you for giving me shots when I was too sick, and taking all my abuse and gripping and a few punches while you did. Thank you for grounding me when I just wanted to kick some butt. You always have the right words for me, and they encourage me daily. I am awe stuck at the knowledge that God blessed you with, and your are such a gifted writer, and speaker, I love to listen to God talk through you. What a blessing it is, to have a husband who loves the Lord as much as I do, and helps me to be a better person everyday. Thanks for going to lunch with me everyday, and for the wonderful date nights on Saturdays. I guess I need to thank your parents also, for raising such a wonderful man. The women I work with have always been jealous, because he stills open doors for me, but not only me, you open doors for other people also, and they are always so surprised when you do. I am lucky your parents instilled such wonderful values in you. I love you more everyday, and I look forward to many more years of loving you. Happy Birthay!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
One of my children is homesick, and my heart aches for him. I wish he was here to hear his laugh, to rub the top of his shaved head, and just to put my arms around him. I miss you too Chris. Christopher has the most infectious laugh, and it is contagious. He has a son, and I have not gotten to see the little one yet. I can remember, it seems like just yesterday, my husband chasing Christopher (he was two) around the house, trying to catch him, because he had done something wrong. It still bring a smile to my face, Christopher was a little thing back thing, but he was too fast. When he was in trouble (which was quite a lot) he would run away, by the time you caught him, you were so tired and physically exhausted that you forgot what he had done, and I didn't have the energy to follow through. I used to feel guilty about Christina, and Christopher, they didn't get a choice in me being their mother, their dad married me and then they were just stuck with me. I would have had it no other way, I would have missed out on so much laughter, Christopher, without you, I would have missed out on your relentless spirit to be the best. Oh yes there were times, when I wished I could have bottled your energy, but my life is a hundred times fuller, because I have had you in my life. Everyone always says how lucky you were that I came into your life, I really believe it is the other way around. I am the luckiest, thanks for loving me, even though you didn't have too.......I miss you my little warrior, stay strong!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Okay I am writing Fan Mail today. This person is so awesome, and I don't know if she realizes it or not, but "I am her greatest fan". Why? Because she is my hero. She has sacrificed a lot over the years, and like the energizer bunny she keeps on going. She taught me how to pray, she taught me that "family is everything", that you support your family, no matter what. She has loved the men in my family, and that is hard task for any woman. I love you Mom.....I am your greatest fan. You have loved me in my worst times, and you have always stood by me no matter what, even when I was wrong. A constant thing in my life has always been the knowledge that no matter happened, no matter how terrible things got my Mommy always loved me. During my Chemo there were times, Rob was frustrated with me because I was crying like a baby, "I want my mommy," and there was nothing he could do, except hand me the phone. When I cried, and boy have I cried over the years, instead of saying, "Marsh's don't cry." you comforted me. I don't think you know how important you are to me, or how much I love being around you, are my joy, and inspiration. I just wish you were closer, I miss you all the time. I have never laughed as hard with anyone but you, because you "get me", and we can be in the same room, and know life is good. I know someday God will take you home, and my life will never be the same, I don't like to think about it, but I do, (probably because dad is gone) and I know that after a time, I will go on, but never will I be the same, I will miss you everyday, but I know that I will be comforted by the fact that I will meet you again in heaven, and then my heart will be full again. Mom I love you, hope you liked you fan mail.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Yesterday I got out, all by myself, NO MEN!! I went out with one of my best friends, and we went to see a movie, and then ate Japanese food (Rob will not eat it). We had already decided a couple of weeks ago to go see the move "My sister's Keeper", it is about a girl who has cancer, and her sister. We knew we would both cry, so we opted to see it together. Boy, did we cry, it was really funny, we are both so much alike, we didn't cry out loud, but we started first with just wiping with our eyes with our hands and fingers, and then gave up and started dabbing with our Kleenex's, she even had to blow her nose. We cried all the way through it, and then when it was over, we made a pack to laugh for the rest of the afternoon. We did too, about everything, our kids, our husbands, our work, just life in general, and when we were done, we both went off into the sunset. It was a great day with a great friend. It is hard in the military (retired now), you make so many good friends and then they leave, and you are left heartbroken, not wanting to do it again. Debbie and her husband retired out here too, so it is great, I won't have to say goodbye to her anytime soon. We have similar backgrounds, grew up in the kind of house. She is a tough cookie, when she was in the military before she got out, she was an Air Traffic Controller, had to put up with a world that was mostly men, so it made her tough, but she would do anything for anyone, and she has, supported me through many things. Both of us were teachers, and had the same philosophy about the kids in our classrooms (Love them till it hurts). So yesterday, two woman who are tough as nails, blubbered all over the place, and it was okay, because you should be able to do that with your best friend. Thanks Debbie.
Friday, July 17, 2009
When my Garrett was born, I knew that he was a boy. I had a dream one night and God spoke to me very loudly, he said I would have a son soon, and that he would lead others. A month later I was pregnant, and my husband at the time, was furious, he didn't want anymore children. I didn't care, I knew that my son was a gift from God, and I was excited for Briana to have a brother. When he was just days old, in the middle of the night, like the whacked out person I am, I held him up to the sky and dedicated him to the Lord. I lifted him up to the heavens, and asked God to Bless him and take care of him, to protect him, and most of all for him to hear his voice when the time was right. Not too many years later, Garrett asked the Lord into his life. He has been a blessing in my life, everyday. When he was a teenager he got to preach a few times, and it was very inspiring, that such adult wisdom could come from one who was so young. He has turned out to be a wonderful man, and we have had a fight over whether he needs to go to church or not. I say yes, and he says no. I try not to bother him too, much about it, but every now and then I bring it up again (Mothers are allowed). I am sorry I can't help it, I nag Chris, and the other Children too, when they are not going. I love church, sometimes I don't want to go, but it is those times that I get a blessing from God, and wonderful message, and I know that I was suppose to be there. I know that he is right, you don't need to go to church to have God in your life, but for me, it is important to have fellow believers there, encouraging on days you are down, and praying for you when you need prayer. Church is important, worshiping God and being filled with the spirit can motivate you for the week to come. So when I held that tiny baby up to the sky that night, I was praising God for the blessing he had given me, I had no idea, what a wonderful human being he would turn out to be, and I am luckiest mother alive that God chose me to raise you--Garrett, I love you.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I have to come to understand, now that I am older, and much wiser, God answers prayers everyday. Sometimes we just don't realize it, or even pay attention, but he does. Maybe it is that parking place you needed in order to not be late. Maybe (if your like me) he helped you find your keys. Maybe he blessed you just by someone saying something nice to you, that really made your day. Maybe you cooked your families favorite meal. Somewhere, somehow, God is answering some body's prayer. I believe that with all my heart, when I was to sick too pray, or even too sick to hear God speaking to me, people (tons all over the world) were praying for me. They were praying that I feel better, they prayed for my encouragement (my husband did everyday), or maybe for me just to be able to eat something that didn't taste like metal. Because I knew that, and I believed it, I knew God would get through chemo, he wouldn't give me something to face I couldn't handle. God is always answering prayer....sometimes he tells us no, but he is still answering us, every second, every minute, every hour, and everyday, you just need to pay attention, because it is--all around you.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Last week my husband was diligently working on chalking a bookcase he had made above our closet, and I, after smelling my cat, (she stinketh) decided to give her a bath. Now if you have ever gave a cat a bath you know it is not a wonderful experience, and I only do it when she is smelling quite ripe. While I am trying to hold her still, she was trying to escape my grip, and I had just started rinsing her, when I hear, "Dee....Dee, I need help, hurry!" I am sorry girls, but I don't have a hurry in my bone, anymore (age you know), and I am now trying to decided what I do with the wet cat, should I drop her and come running, or....maybe I didn't hear him right. My husband comes stumbling out of office with both eyes shut, and into the living room, I am sorry, I tried not to laugh, but it was just too funny, his eyes were shut and he was stumbling into furniture, and bumping into everything. Willie comes running out of his room, because unlike me, he is young quick reacting, and I am finely aged (slow reaction time). I give him the cat, and Rob is yelling, I got chalk in my eye and it is burning, hurry, hurry, you have to help me, I am going to go blind, it is already burning. Well, I grabbed him, and not very nicely, my kids will tell you I am not the most gentle creature alive. I shoved his head into the sink and started splashing water in his eyes, but--he still had his eyes shut so I tell him, "Rob, my goodness open your eyes, it isn't going to help unless you open your eyes", sorry once again I had a big smile on my face, because it was funny (he didn't think so). After splashing his eyes for a few minutes, I asked him if he felt better, he said yes, then he accused me of loving the cat more than I loved him (What?). Once again he got my humor going, his eyes are okay, and I laughed all day about it, which he didn't appreciate at all. When I told my mom the story she asked, why did he close both eyes, why didn't he use the good eye and go to the sink? I am sorry I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. I got this picture in my head of my dad one time, screaming at mom one time when I was little that he was going to pass out, and then him hitting the floor (boom he was over 6 feet tall), and all because he hadn't walked over to the chair and sat down (instead he spent his last precious moments standing there screaming for help). Sorry Rob, love you babe.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
My diploma came yesterday, I am stoked. What does it mean to me, words will not do justice but here we go. After I graduated from high school, with high honors, and with a great SAT score, my hearts desire was to go to college. I searched for scholarships within my state (but my parents made too much money), and I was not ethnic enough, I had got accepted to Pepperdine, and USC, but didn't have the money to go. My parents didn't have the money to send me, so I started at Jr. College, working 40 hours a week, and going to school full time. It was extremely hard, along the way I got pregnant, married, and had my beautiful Briana and Garrett. Stationed in Las Vegas, I started back again, "Clark County Community College". Finished 9 credits. Then, I got divorced, met Rob, remarried, and was blessed with Christina and Christopher.......later, he blessed me some more and we had James and Willie. Still in the back of my heart--always, was this desire to finish college. How could I preach education to my children and never have finished. When the kids were a little order, after a totalbreakdown.....depression came knocking at my door. I made list of the things that were important to me, you see, I had became a mother and forgot about the part of following my own dream too. God reminded me of that, he said it was okay, it would make me a better mom. So, after meeting with all the kids, and asking for their help one night a week, I went back to school. I also got a job to pay for it. They encouraged me every step of the way, told me how proud they were of me, helped out making dinner, cleaning up, and showed their support. The helped me with my homework (watched me cry), Rob did too, and I never felt so much love. Rob showed me how to write a proper paper, and loved me when I was frustrated with it all. It was extremely hard when I got cancer, and I had to stop for a while, but I got encouragement again from Briana, and she shoved me back in the game, kicking a screaming. Well, Rob graduated first, then Briana, then Garrett, and James (high school), and I thought I would beat Willie, but we graduated together. So, here it is, I wanted so bad for my dad to be here for this day, but I know he is looking down right now, and smiling, and I know my mom is my biggest fan, you don't know how many times, I cried and told her I couldn't do it, and she rallied me on...and on....and on again. So here it is my diploma, for most people it is just a piece of paper for me it is a lifetime of memories along with it. Ten years of going little by little, and I don't have to any bills to pay off now, I paid for it all, working 40 hours a week, and taking one or two classes at a time. God has been with me every step of the way. I can say....I am a Graduate of Hawaii Pacific University, a BA in Psychology, Cum Luade. I did it......now what...you just wait!
Monday, July 6, 2009
I often wonder, what do people do when they don't have God to rely on? Do they sink deeper into sorrow? I feel so sad for them, I have had a relationship with God since I was very little, an inner voice to comfort me during times of sorrow. My mother taught me how to pray, and sent me on a bus to Sunday School. It was there I learned the wonderful stories of the Bible. I love each and everyone of them. I look to them, when I need encouragement. David taking on a giant, all because he had faith that God would deliver him. My favorite, lately has been Job, I think because of all that happened in my life......cancer......twice.....my grandmother dying......my dad. I searched for encouragement and there he was Job, he praised God, even though he had lost everything, even though he was sick and afflicted with painful sores all over.......he praised. In the mist of all the tragedy I praised God, I told him, how much I loved him, and I asked for comfort, and yes I was comforted, time and time again, no I was not delivered, I was comforted. So again I ask, what do people do when they have no God? How sad, how very sad to think of it, I will pray for all of them tonight. Seek God in all you do, and praise him in all things.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
I am so happy, my son, Garrett just texts me he is coming home for the week of Thanksgiving. I am so very happy. My heart is overflowing. God has blessed me so abundantly this year, so many prayers have been answered, and I feel so overwhelmed, God is good. The struggles I have been through the last 5 years at times have been tremendous, but he has replaced all the bad with good things 10 times over, and it is just not stopping. This year Rob and I will travel to be with Briana and Kori, and see our newest grandchild. I want you all to know, that God answers prayers, it may take years, but he does answer prayers!!! Hallelujah!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Rob and I in our front yard
I just wanted to send out a big hay.....ho for my familia. Happy Fouth of July. I wish all of you could be here. I know my mom will be cooking up a great feast. I will be doing my famous rub and will be ribbing it out. Spare Ribs, potatoe salad, baked beans, watermelon, rolls.....and I haven't decided about dessert, maybe some ooey gooey cake. Christina and the girls will be coming over. I am happy, but sad, I really wish all the kids lived close by, sorry guys it was a dream of mine, and my mom was close. Sometimes it doesn't happen. Happy, Happy fourth of July, I really wish the whole family could be together, my mom the kids, Robs mom and dad, James and Teresa (their kids), Penney and Shannon (their kids), my brothers, and their family, my cousin Kathy (her family) I really miss you lately Kathy! In my little world that is how it would be, but alas I will just live with what I got, for now. I love each of you, so much, and it hurts not to be close by and love on each of you. Happy Fourth of July.
I thought I would share some pictures of Kady Bug, Jackson and her are now 1 yr old's, where has time gone. I didn't get to see Jackson on his birthday (booohooo) but we got to celebrate Kady's and as she was digging into the cake, the expression on her face was priceless. She did not like all that icing all over her hand, and tired to shake it off, Briana said that Jackson had done the same thing with his cake. I can remember the birthday's most about all the kids, I love birthday's, and I really hope I made it special for each of them. On their birthday it was their day, they were queen/king for the day, they got to pick out what dinner they wanted, and what kind of cake, and they were king and queen for the day. When they are little they say love you all the time, and you get kisses and hugs all the time, as they grow up, not so much. I do have to say I am feel really special because I get to talk to Briana everyday, via e-mail while she and I are at work, while we are on the computer we are e-mailing each other back and forth all day. She takes the time to say she loves me, always. This week, Monday, I got a text from Garrett, all it said was Love ya. I have to say it made my day. I hope they all know that I never get tired of hearing it. Christina has always been affectionate, but now that she is mom, I know she really I can see just how much I really love her, and she loves me right back. I miss all those little arms out stretched wanting hugs, and the kids fighting over who was going to get to sit by me at church. I have had many people say that I give the best hugs, that is because I loved receiving hugs so much from my children, and it made me feel so loved. So when I hug someone I make all my hugs count. Make sure you make yours count too, you never know when someone is hurting and really needs a big hug. This hug goes out to all of you I love you, and miss you so much.