Thursday, October 29, 2009

Great Week

First of thank you to all of you who have been praying for me. I really had a great week. I have been journaling and it has really help emotionally. There are so many things I have put on hold dealing with, and I think I am strong enough to finally deal with all of it. I have never prayed so hard in my life.

First of all I asked God to help me figure out when I was really hungry and when I was just eating because of my emotions. He did, but it was up to me to stop and write down what I was really feeling emotionally, and then dealing with it. In the beginning of the week I just wanted to cast it all aside and just eat until I didn't have to feel anything. After I wrote in my journal I prayed for courage, I prayed for fullness, and God was was good. I really have struggled with this, but overeating to me is just as bad as lying, stealing, and drugs, food is my drug, and when I put it before my Lord, then I have to stop, and ask for help. There are reasons I do it, and I just have to work on them, but just me and the Lord. I have to give it all to him, and surrender that part of my life to him....see he wants every part of your life. He is cleaning out my house, room by room.

I got over my fear of going to the gym and everyone seeing a fat lady do the treadmill. I did the treadmill, and not only that but today I went to yoga class today, I loved it. I have decided for this part of my life, I am going to step out of my comfort zone, and do things that scare me, or keep me living life to the fullest.

I just wanted to Thank everyone, because I still need your prayers, some days are harder than others, but I am going to stay positive and keep moving forward.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Weekend Breakfast

This morning I made some scones. I am trying to use the fruits and things before they go bad, so I had some bananas that were getting soft, I made banana scones with orange zest in them, I have to say they turn out really good. Rob and James loved them.

This has been a pretty good week, I am journaling again, to help with what I eat. It helps me deal with my feelings instead of shoving them all aside and then letting the food cover up a fountain of emotions. It has not been easy, and when I have started beating myself up, I stop, and list the good things, I still list the bad, but I have been surprised the good list is longer. I guess it is like trying to love yourself enough.

God has been awesome too. There were a few moments I really wanted something bad, and he talked me through it. Most of the time, I have to admit, I am not hungry. This week, I am going to try hard to only eat when I am hungry, and begin to listen to my body.

I got some exercise in this week to. I even got some time to escape work early and do PT, phsyical training. On our base the commander lets civilians have 3 hours a week, on their time to do PT. So I walked, even jogged (a little), and found out I could do it. Keep praying please.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Prayer Rocks!!

Okay so far so good. Keep the prayers up, I did the treadmill yesterday for 45 minutes, and I have been eatting good. I can really fill everyone behind me, there were a couple of times I had problems and I just prayed silently and asked for strenght and he gave it to me. I went for a job interview today. It is more money, but I really don't know why I even went, and pretty much happy where I am, and I have the greatest boss. For some reason it all just worked out so well, I had to follow through with it. I started off really nervous, and then I just took off, it was a great nerve wrecking experience, but I challenged myself. You know when you don't want to do something, and it makes you crazy on the inside, and then you do it, and you say, "I did it, I was strong enough to get through, and I did. I challenge you today, to do something that your scared of, or something that brings you out of your comfort zone. Do it! You might say, that wasn't so bad, and you might come out of challenging yourself a little more next time. Don't forget everyone keep praying I just can't do this without all of you.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Holidays Rock!!!

It was a great day working on the house. Still doing moldings (painting). It was nice to have the day off, holiday's rock. I would like to thank my mom and Margaret and Bill for my wonderful earrings (with my birthday money), my ears look quite lovely, and they thank you from the bottom of their lobes. Well, Briana is at the last stages of pregancy, I have been praying for daily, it should be very exciting, especially since we get to be there to see the little one. There is still time Briana to change her I did it, and thank goodance I did, you would have been Candance....your dad's choice. After seeing your wonderful little face, I knew you would never be a Candance, but a Bri. Bri, Nana, Breez, Pookie and a whole lot more, and just think how lucky you are, I changed my mind.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Grandma, Grandma, Grandma

The greatest sound I have ever heard is......Grandma. Today Rob and I took the girls to see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. It was such a great day, we picked up the girls and watched the movie, then we went to eat, and took the girls to the playground for the rest of the day. They had a blast, and and so did we. I really enjoyed just being around them, and it brought a lot of memories back. Memories of the kids growing up and Rob pushing them on the swing, till they were screaming, and memories of when I was a teacher. Was a prefect day, you know how many times I heard "Grandma", not enough that is how many.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I got a bike, not a trike.

Well I had something I wanted to say, and now that I am here writing, heck if I don't remember what it is. I did want to have a shout out to Ms. Margaret Gray, "Happy Birthday" it was last week, just wanted to make sure you knew, just how special you are to all of us, on this side of the world. I put on my grass skirt for you and did the "I am so happy I could poop in my pants dance," sorry it would have lasted longer but the police made me stop.

Oh yeah I remember now, I got a new bike for my birthday.....not till Thursday. My wonderful husband got me a Schwinn, and it is pretty cool. I am trying really hard to eat right and exercise, I really need every ones prayers, so pray for me. I really need to start getting healthy, I had started after my chemo, and was doing great, and then dad died, and my world has stopped for a while.

I realize now I have a lot unresolved feelings where that is concerned. You see my dad loved food, he was never overweight, if he gained weight he just exercised, he always exercised and did things to stay healthy, of course mom helped. Food has been my way to stuff it all down. It was so hard to watch him not be able to eat the things he loved, when I visited him last. It was a struggle for me too, all those old feelings on having cancer came flooding back, when you are going through chemo you can't eat a lot you are sick all the time, so on the weeks you can eat you do, and you eat everything in site.

I felt so guilty that dad didn't have the chance to enjoy his last part of his life. Food has been comfort for me during this awful time of my life. I need to replace that comfort with God, God needs to be the center of my life. So I am going to try really hard when I want to eat, to go to God first with everything. He gives us better comfort than food. I really need to be healthy for my family, so I can be around to enjoy them and my grandkids. Please pray for me.