Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I went and had a look and I could not believe that it has been a "whole year" since I have written anything.  Time flies I suppose.  As of late oh I don't know maybe two months now I have been struggling with depression.  Yes I just admitted it.  Maybe if I try and write a little bit again it will help me.  What do I have to be depressed about?  Nothing.  Everyone asks me that (the people I have confided in) and that is my answer I don't know why.  It is like a thick fog that comes in a little at a time and then chokes the happiness out of you and you fight it until you are so very tired and feel like you can't fight anyone.  While you are regaining you strength you are sucked into a big black hole and it is suffocating and no I don't want to kill myself it is not that type of depression.  This kind is probably much worse because you just don't feel anything, you are just numb.  I knew it was bad when I had people at work started asking me if I was upset about something because I was so quiet.  Usually I am a fountain of happiness, jokes, and smiles but I guess the fountain has been shut off.  Anyways don't mean to depress the hell of anybody else, I just need to struggle through this.

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